Open Ayers Space

Do you ever feel defeated? Like no matter how hard you try someone will always find fault with you plan? The struggle has been so strong lately that I gave up... Gave up what you may ask. Well I gave up working out, I gave into cravings and I mentally beat myself up. I avoid doing the dishes, laundry and cleaning the house. I love myself away and find reasons to avoid people after work including friends. I have started to pick fights when all I genuinely want is a hug. I've gone back to my horrible habit of picking the skin off my thumb and chugging cokes like they are water in a desert. (Thanks to this weeks criminal minds episode they make me feel like I have some mental disorder/imbalance.) So what to do going forward. I won't lie I signed up to be a beach body coach as an escape. A physical, financial and mental escape. The problem is that I am such a people pleaser that I let the words of few bring me down. I wish I didn't care what others thought of me! I want to ...

Lately I have caught myself being so caught up within this social media bubble. It keeps me up at night and stressed throughout the day questioning my abilities as a wife, homemaker, budgeter and employee. I don't have all my shit figured out, my house is covered in stuffing from dog toys and I have clothes piled up in laundry baskets. I love washing and drying clothes but I hate folding them... obviously you can tell I never worked in retail. I'm always terrified to try new recipes for the fear of ruining it or having something taste absolutely disgusting. I avoid interacting with new people for the simple fact that I rarely think out the words that leave my mouth and fear that I offend people without truly meaning to. I have breakdowns that I can't explain nor get to the bottom of. I feel at home deep in the woods waiting for a deer to cross my path and put meat in the freezer for my family. Snuggling my pups at home while they soothe my soul and put me at peace. Finding ...

To say life has been crazy would be the understatement of the century! We had tons of family and friends in from all over the country (shoutout to my awesome friends in from Alaska!) Honestly enjoying my time with them and celebrating a beautiful wedding to my best friend truly took up a majority of time. A few days into the trip we all realized we didn't really take a ton of pictures because we were so caught in the moments together. Now that the wedding has passed and everyone has gone home we've spent tons of time cleaning house and getting back to our true love of hunting. J's favorite wedding gifts would of course have to be his meat grinder and sausage stuffer attachments for the kitchen aid! Not only that I've had to get back into the swing of working and let me say that has just been fun.  Now I'm being brutally honest with myself when I type this and honestly it could come back and bite me in the ass but here goes.... Am I happy?  With my marria...