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Do you ever feel defeated? Like no matter how hard you try someone will always find fault with you plan? The struggle has been so strong lately that I gave up...
Gave up what you may ask. Well I gave up working out, I gave into cravings and I mentally beat myself up. I avoid doing the dishes, laundry and cleaning the house. I love myself away and find reasons to avoid people after work including friends. I have started to pick fights when all I genuinely want is a hug. I've gone back to my horrible habit of picking the skin off my thumb and chugging cokes like they are water in a desert. (Thanks to this weeks criminal minds episode they make me feel like I have some mental disorder/imbalance.)
So what to do going forward. I won't lie I signed up to be a beach body coach as an escape. A physical, financial and mental escape. The problem is that I am such a people pleaser that I let the words of few bring me down. I wish I didn't care what others thought of me! I want to get sweaty and post selfies. I want to post pictures of my inspirations and not be put down because "you are already so skinny." I want to be more than skinny! I want to be healthy and fit. I want to compete in a bikini competition. I want to inspire others. I want to be out of debt and help others on their financial and health journey. I don't want to continue to mutilate my hands and body. I don't want to stress anymore! I want my happiness back in my control. I want to spread joy, positivity and love. I want to show people that they are in control and have other options. I want freedom to spend time with my love and feel NO regrets. I want to live out this beautiful life I envision for myself and J! At the end of the day I am my own worst enemy and am sick of being a road block to my success. Everyone deserves happiness and I will no longer choose to shut that door. I want to open my heart and mind to all things God has provided and will provide. I don't want to miss any "Big Magic" - Thanks Elizabeth Gilbert for that one! So here on out I will open myself up for love, positivity, laughs, hugs, peace and joy. God will show me the best path through this life and I can't wait to see what that is. I can tell you that life is too short to have anything but positivity in my life!!!!
So if you are still with me you are reading something that I wrote FEB 4th... The day after my birthday and for some reason this feeling just hit me out of left field and I needed to get it on paper. I was going to post it that night and for some reason I held back. Then it hit me again today like a ton of bricks so now it is out for the world to see!
I have been following the advice that I read in "You Are A Badass" and I put out into the universe that I am trying... Today I organized our pantry and a few other areas of the kitchen while also doing dishes and laundry and prepping my grocery list/meal plan for the week. Worked on some budgeting and bill pay info as we are working at Gazelle intensity as Dave Ramsey says and sometimes it is a bit scary (like this morning!) Below I will leave some pictures of my organization, I know I still need one little basket for one drawer but I can't wait to complete the kitchen organization but it may take me a few more weeks for a few of the other cabinets.
Gave up what you may ask. Well I gave up working out, I gave into cravings and I mentally beat myself up. I avoid doing the dishes, laundry and cleaning the house. I love myself away and find reasons to avoid people after work including friends. I have started to pick fights when all I genuinely want is a hug. I've gone back to my horrible habit of picking the skin off my thumb and chugging cokes like they are water in a desert. (Thanks to this weeks criminal minds episode they make me feel like I have some mental disorder/imbalance.)
So what to do going forward. I won't lie I signed up to be a beach body coach as an escape. A physical, financial and mental escape. The problem is that I am such a people pleaser that I let the words of few bring me down. I wish I didn't care what others thought of me! I want to get sweaty and post selfies. I want to post pictures of my inspirations and not be put down because "you are already so skinny." I want to be more than skinny! I want to be healthy and fit. I want to compete in a bikini competition. I want to inspire others. I want to be out of debt and help others on their financial and health journey. I don't want to continue to mutilate my hands and body. I don't want to stress anymore! I want my happiness back in my control. I want to spread joy, positivity and love. I want to show people that they are in control and have other options. I want freedom to spend time with my love and feel NO regrets. I want to live out this beautiful life I envision for myself and J! At the end of the day I am my own worst enemy and am sick of being a road block to my success. Everyone deserves happiness and I will no longer choose to shut that door. I want to open my heart and mind to all things God has provided and will provide. I don't want to miss any "Big Magic" - Thanks Elizabeth Gilbert for that one! So here on out I will open myself up for love, positivity, laughs, hugs, peace and joy. God will show me the best path through this life and I can't wait to see what that is. I can tell you that life is too short to have anything but positivity in my life!!!!
So if you are still with me you are reading something that I wrote FEB 4th... The day after my birthday and for some reason this feeling just hit me out of left field and I needed to get it on paper. I was going to post it that night and for some reason I held back. Then it hit me again today like a ton of bricks so now it is out for the world to see!
I have been following the advice that I read in "You Are A Badass" and I put out into the universe that I am trying... Today I organized our pantry and a few other areas of the kitchen while also doing dishes and laundry and prepping my grocery list/meal plan for the week. Worked on some budgeting and bill pay info as we are working at Gazelle intensity as Dave Ramsey says and sometimes it is a bit scary (like this morning!) Below I will leave some pictures of my organization, I know I still need one little basket for one drawer but I can't wait to complete the kitchen organization but it may take me a few more weeks for a few of the other cabinets.
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